“In his mind, a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps.” — Proverbs 16:9
SOMETIMES I think I am like Moses.
I compared myself with Moses not because I saw a burning bush, performed a miracle, or spoke to God on Mt. Sinai. Rather, like Moses, I once felt uncertain about God’s plans for me, majestic they might be.
When God told Moses that he would lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses was more than hesitant to accept the covenant. Tasked to lead God’s people out of slavery, he instantly felt the burden on his shoulders. He doubted God’s plan and asked, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”
But if God asked Moses to be a liberator, I think God is “calling” me to be one of His priests.
The idea of entering the seminary did not cross my mind before. In fact, I showed no interest when a priest gave a vocation seminar on priesthood when I was in high school. Now in college, I am pursuing a course unrelated to what I feel must be God’s plans for me. Contrary to my ambition of becoming an accountant, I now find myself contemplating on whether or not to stop my present course just to pursue my calling.
Working with a number of priests who reintroduced me to the priestly vocation strengthened my longing. The thought of being a priest bothers me during class hours, in solitude at night and even in my dreams—to the point of distracting my studies and plans.
Like Moses, I cannot help but ask the same question to God: Of all people, why me?
Just like Moses, I admit I am not fit to lead a pastoral life. Like a typical student of my age, I am not as “religious” as one might think of those with a religious calling. I am not confident I will make a good priest because I know I fall short of my obligations as a faithful.
My doubts pile up as the promise of graduation and future employment nears. Being the eldest in a brood of three, I am expected to help my parents in raising my younger siblings and sending them to school. But if I enter the seminary, I wouldn’t be able to perform those duties.
Although I want to return my family’s favor, I feel a stronger urge to pursue my calling. Unpractical or messianic as it may seem, I still want to surrender to what I think God wants me to be.
But as expectations cross my way, I will not wait for a great miracle to happen if I can make both ends meet. With pieces of advice from close friends, I came up with a compromise. After graduation, I will practice the profession I pursued until my family becomes financially stable. If after 10 years, I still feel God calling me, then I would cross the tempestuous sea towards priesthood—unless of course, God has a better plan for his servant.
PRAYER: Dear God, help me confront the things I am afraid to face because of my fears. Help me understand Your will and make me follow the example of Your servant Moses, who, despite uncertainties, still obeyed Your bidding.
Lord, You are the true source of light and wisdom. Enlighten and guide me as I tread the path where someday, I can help people see You face to face. Amen.
The contributor, Joseph M. Estrada is a senior Accountancy student from the Alfredo M. Velayo College of Accountancy.
