“In my trouble I called to the Lord; I called to my God for help. In His temple He heard my voice; He listened to my cry for help.” — 2 Samuel 22:7
“I NEED you Lord.”
This was the only line I uttered as I restlessly knelt in front of the altar one Friday evening.
Then I remembered I entered college with only two intentions¯to perform well in class and to write. Because I knew I could do well in school and write my stories without anyone beside me, I really didn’t care much about making friends, until I met a person whom I thought was a true friend.
Despite my successful academic life, I suddenly felt desolate. I realized, I needed someone with whom I can share both my greatness and my lunacy. I never thought that she would leave me more desolate later on.
Looking back, I think maybe it was my fault. I cared for her so much and I willingly became whomever she needed¯a guidance counselor, a tutor, and a personal assistant. I never regretted it though. I did things because I willed it.
I shared with her all the time that I could possibly give as I patiently listened to her problems, goals, and ambitions. I appreciated her confidence because I thought that it was the perfect sign that she trusted me, that I am her friend.
Being so idealistic, I kept on telling myself that she was a gift I should never take for granted. Never did I let her favors down. From lectures, reports, assignments, down to examination reviewers, I made her a priority among others.
And with all the help I had given her, I thought it would be next to impossible for her to leave me, but she did.
I never questioned what my reflexes did for her. Eventhough she did not asked for those “good deeds,” I willed to do so because she was a friend. That’s why I was catatonically stunned when she told me that I was wrong when I assumed that I am her best friend. She befriended me because there was nobody else around. For almost a year, I lived in the illusion that was our “friendship.”
I learned that she was spending most of her time with her newly-found friends. When I demanded for a reason for her sudden avoidance, she told me that she wanted to grow, but without me in the picture.
After he left, I was terribly disappointed. I cultivated a friendship one-handedly just to see everything go to waste. The break-up, at one point, made me truly insane. With the fear of being left, I isolated myself from everybody.
With mutiny in my heart, I questioned the author of my life for what had happened. I remember then I even accused God as a lonesome killjoy who wants nobody to be happy.
But I have come to believe that nothing in this world is coincidental, because everything is destined.
Now, as I close my eyes in prayer, I search for God in my entirety. And I now see all the great things He did for me even before my “friend” arrived. I realized I felt alone because I walked away from God and chose to dedicate my time to someone whose loyalty was incomparable with Him.
Upon asking for His help, I immediately felt His presence near me. After I accepted my fault and drew myself nearer to God, I began to see other people who accepted my solitariness.
I learned that there are people who are more worthy of my love and friendship.
After I have forgiven myself, accepted my imperfection, and called for His presence, I felt that I finally found a real friend who loves me¾the best friend of all best friend, who is always with me and showers me with unconditional love.
Prayer: Lord, thank you for always listening to our calls. Thank you for being our best ‘best friend.’ May we feel Your Divine presence amid all the absence projected by this material world. We ask You to forever remain in our hearts. We need You Lord. Amen.
