What makes married life work?
Dr. Edna Monzon, head of Human Life International-Philippines, said it’s about couples loving each other “when it is hard to love.”
Husband and wife William and Salve Olalia, both physicians, spoke of parents as stewards—not owners—of their children and as such, “should not impose on them what they want them to be.”
Edwin Lopez learned these lessons and more the hard way, having tied the knot at age 17. Marriage then, he thought, was the best option for him and his pregnant girlfriend.
But contrary to popular expectations of failure, the bond has remained several decades to this day, thanks to what Lopez called a “strong character” he was able to develop during his troubled youth.
“More than half of all faculties in higher education in the US say it is important that undergraduates develop moral character and enhance their self-understanding,” Lopez said, quoting a report from the international daily The Record.
Lopez, regional manager of Eternal Word Television Network, shared his struggles as a family man the conference titled “The Family: Seedbed of Love and Communication” last Sept. 27 at the Continuing Medical Education Auditorium.
The seminar dealt with different aspects of family life such as marriage, children, and the attacks that lead to a broken family. The gathering was hosted by the Department of Bioethics of the UST Faculty of Medicine and Surgery in cooperation with the Catholic Physician’s Guild of the Philippines.
Making marriage work
Monzon said marriage should be seen primarily as a sacrament, serving both as a vocation and a covenant.
“(The couple) must love each other when it is hard to love, must be willing to take up a burden, and must hope for a good solution,” she said.
Still, there’s no such thing as a formula for a successful marriage, she pointed out.
She said marriage often failed due to “unrealistic expectations” and personality differences among between couples. Heaping blame on one another was another common reason, she said.
“Couples fail to adapt to the transition that accompanies their married life. It changes from functional to companionate,” she said.
Though there are many factors that contribute to the failure of the relationship, Monzon said there were still solutions to sustain healthy matrimonial ties.
Selflessness, unconditional love, commitment, open communication, “servanthood,” and sharing, she said, were the foundations of a successful marriage.
“It is also necessary to have an adequate preparation for marriage like courtship and pre-Cana conferences. And it is very important to remember your commitment,” she said.
Children
Marriage comes with the purpose of building a family and rearing children. Couples answer the call to parenthood, which is laying down the foundation for everything for their children.
The Olalia couple tackled this vital element of the family during their discussion for the conference.
“When a couple answers the call to parenthood, they serve as God’s stewards not owners of their children,” William said.
According to the Olalias, parents must consistently teach their children the difference between right and wrong. It is also important to develop the children’s intellect so that they would be able to seek for the truth, and develop the will to choose and do what is good.
However, families face challenges such as subtle attacks on sexuality that affect the young ones.
The change in the expected sexual orientation of the children causes strain to both parent and child, said Rolando delos Reyes II of Courage Philippines, an organization that provides a spiritual support system for individuals struggling with same-sex attractions.
According to him, the first step was to listen and make room for conversation. Parents should maintain their eye contact and not interrupt their child when he or she is speaking. Taking note of body language is also important.
He said they also need to affirm their strengths, not weaknesses. Asking and granting forgiveness are also included in this step.
Lastly, children should feel that they are loved. The parents’ action should show that they are of high priority and that their relationship with them is more important than any issue.
Edgardo Sorreta of Pro-Life Philippines also tackled the changing meaning of sexuality in relation to the Filipino family. According to him, the divine aspect of procreation is diminished, and children become aware of it as mere entertainment.
“The best that sex education parents can give to their children is to let them witness their love for God and for one another,” Sorreta stressed. C.A.P. Alcantara
