MY BROTHER and I have this weird theory—we are like two opposing poles balancing on a fulcrum where one goes up or down at the expense of another. For instance, when I got a final grade of 1.0, he failed one of his subjects. When he passed the specialized exams of the Varsitarian, I flunked one of my entrance tests.

So everytime our parents call us up from Gensan, it is expected that one give the good news, and the other one a dose of headache.

So I protested, this cannot go on forever. I mean, how can I enjoy my success (assuming I’m the one who always gets lucky) if my brother is bugging me with his problems? It’s not like I am not concerned about him, I believe I still am a conscientious sister.

Since all prayers and efforts to redirect the course of fate proved to be futile, I learned to bargain with destiny. It’s called right timing—one has to give in if his concerns are more trivial than the other. Since prayers that go, Lord please let me pass the exam, and my brother too, didn’t work, I devised a new mantra, Lord please don’t let F4 conquer Philippine TV, oh alright, you can make Meteor Garden famous, just let my brother pass his exam or he might be thrown off to never-never land.

Genius huh? Not really because it has only a 2 per cent effectivity rate. Sad but I must accept that I cannot play god—I cannot decide for Him and make things happen or change them the way I want them to. There is such a thing as the divine law that governs things and I cannot mess it up. I can only do so much—exercise my free will but know its boundaries.

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Though not always easy and convenient, learning to glide with the ups and downs of my life achieves a state of equilibrium where I’m at peace in my downfall, knowing it will pass soon, and not so attached with my triumphs knowing it will not be mine for so long. There is no extreme and absolute sadness and happiness.

Besides, why mess up with Him, He is a better master.

***

Since this is my last column in the V, I would like to thank the people who have been, and will always be my “Mind, Motion, Time and Space:”

To my family back home, thank you very much for your love and support. Thank you for believing in me more than I believed in myself. You are the source of my strength and happiness;

To my professors in AB especially to Sir Ferdie, Sir Ralph, Sir Mike, Ma’am Nancy, Ma’am Cynthia, Ma’am Richie and Dr. Tanlayco, thank you for letting me see the beauty of life through your eyes. My journey with you in the world of fiction and reality commenced not in knowing the innumerable literary characters, but the character that I am—fragile but strong, afraid but willing to carry on;

To my A3 classmates, the B4 class—Raymond, Jelson, Andrea, Dawn and Ella—and The Varsitarian family, thank you for the company, the laughters and shared dreams. See you around;

To Steph, thank you for letting me see myself in you, and more. You’re like a sister to me;

To TL, though I may have sometimes shown the contrary, I enjoy your company. ..and long lectures on law. Hope we’ll be classmates;

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To my many-sided self, my barkada—Toni, Maira, Kitting, Jeanne and Leng-leng, no one and nothing can break our 15 years of friendship that has withstood time, trials and heartaches. Thank you for being a source of happiness;

Finally, to the reason why I can hurdle all uncertainties, Ryan, my life’s taste of constancy and consistency. Thank you for your love and support. I miss you.

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