“EVERYONE is having fun but you,” my horoscope said that day. I laughed out loud with my friend, but inside my head, that leering voice was back, chanting, “Bull’s eye!”
Yes, I admit, I’m not having fun this summer. While everyone is off to beaches, joyrides, and expeditions, I’m always locked out from the sun, either studying in the classroom or in my bedroom. I’m burrowing into a hole, trying to shut out distractions and temptations as I review for my upcoming nursing board exams.
My only fun is sleeping—when I’m not tunneling into those thick books and slowly corroding my stomach with endless cups of coffee and coke. Even my writing has come into an annoying halt—ironically, the more I try to write, the more I get that darned writer’s block.
Yes, everyone is having fun but me, in this strangling heat which makes me feel strangling someone in turn. What only keeps me going are faith, prayers, and encouragement from family, friends, and teachers, and the rewards I will reap someday for these sacrifices.
I have given up marathon gabfests on the phone, late night outs, and mindless scouting for good places to eat and hang around. Every free time must be spent either studying or praying. And if I feel nauseated from all those diseases and treatments, I grab a Stephen King novel, for a change.
Sometimes, I just want to throw my books into a big bonfire and just take my board exams in December, so I will have more time to prepare and have some fun. After all, I haven’t got a decent holiday since my graduation, not when our review classes have started even before our graduation.
But I am not giving up. Even if I feel like I’ve retained nothing after a day of reading, I will still try to read the next day. After all, making it through the board exams require hard work, not just those daily side trips and mini-pilgrimages to Baclaran and Sta. Clara. Preparing for the board exam is just like shaping words into flesh and blood; both require hard work and concentration.
* * *
After a flurry of bright lights along the road comes this dark swallowing me up fast. I had just opened the door into the black hole that is our living room.
Going to an empty house is just one of the many things I have to get used to, now that I’m officially that “young adult.” I guess my tita trusts me well enough to cook my own meals and manage household chores.
Now that I’m a board exam away from practicing one of today’s most lucrative profession, I find myself wanting to go back to a simple child’s life—free of worries and paper work.
But I tell myself, I’m lucky to reach this stage, so I shouldn’t be complaining. I will just do whatever I have to do.
* * *
To my batchmates, may we all soar high in our board exams, as that Indian blessing says, “May you have the strength of eagles’ wings, the faith and courage to fly to new heights, and the wisdom of the universe to get you there.”
To my clinical instructors, professors, and other “angels” from nursing, thanks for showing us how to be a Thomasian nurse. And to my classmates from IV-6, we’re here! We can all reach new heights. And, as promised, to my friends from RLE 1—Chiki, Wendy, Grazielle, Eda, Timi, Aloha, Tonet, Rosette, Cherry, Vanity, and Lloyd—I will never forget. Thank you. To my mentors, co-staffers, and friends from the V, thanks for the many lessons you’ve given me—whether about life or writing. You’ve certainly given me a lot to remember and treasure.
I may be leaving the V, but I will always continue what I have always loved—seeing things from the sounds around me.
